guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
