community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
