I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
