I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
