Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
