i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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