you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
