pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
