I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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