I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
