she woke up with a sticky ear
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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