I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
