I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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