i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
