So drunk, too bad you don't want this
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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