I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
