When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
