i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
