I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
