she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
