3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
