you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
