he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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