I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
