First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
