you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
