my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
