He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
my poor anus
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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