His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
