Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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