i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
