I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
