I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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