apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
