Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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