So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
