I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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