Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
