it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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