I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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