so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
