census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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