so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
