I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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