Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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