Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
