you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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