Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
