Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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