thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
