just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
