You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize