Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
