Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
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P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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