everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
