Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
