Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
