He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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