can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
