Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
