You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
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