He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
