Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
